


Between The Pages of My Mind

by ThatBohoFemme



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Discussions of reconciliation, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Memories, Post-Break Up, Seth contemplates life, post Shield breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-13 02:39:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14740493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatBohoFemme/pseuds/ThatBohoFemme
Summary: Cormac McCarthy once said “You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget.”Seth never realized how true it was until his mind began to mess with him.





	Between The Pages of My Mind

**Author's Note:**

> For All Bingo – Pro Wrestling Fest 2018  
> Prompt: Mind Games 
> 
> Sequel to 'So Close and Yet So Far' if you squint.

_**“You forget what you want to remember, and you remember what you want to forget.”  
\- Cormac McCarthy, The Road ** _

Seth hates the fact he cannot remember the good coming from his time with Dean. 

If he closes his eyes and thinks really hard, he can see vague glimpses of what it was and what they did. It's a haze. He knows it happened but that's about it. 

It's driving him crazy. 

He can see Dean in his arms but he can't remember what his skin felt like. 

He sees Dean in the shower but can't remember what his soap smelled like. He sees Dean brushing his teeth in the shower but he can't remember the taste of toothpaste kisses. 

He sees the long road trips, going from city to city. Yet, he can't see Dean in the passenger seat, providing the necessary distractions to keep him awake. In Seth's memory, the seat next to him is empty, even though he knows this can't be true. 

All he wants is Dean back. Of course, Dean's wary. Who wouldn't be after the way they ended?

For fuck sake, he buried a steel chair in his boyfriend's back. 

Most people wouldn't even _consider_ a reconciliation after something like that. 

If Seth closes his eyes, he can feel the cool metal biting through his gloves. It doesn't make sense, considering how thick the leather was, but he definitely remembers the chair being cold. 

It feels heavier than it should. It's only looking back that Seth realizes it was heavy under the weight of what must be done. 

He hears the sickening thud of steel against flesh. In his mind, it's a blur except for bewildered blue eyes connecting with defiant brown eyes. Then, Seth hits again, the sound once again ringing through his mind. 

He can remember every little detail of that. It's something he never wants to relive and yet, he can't forget it. He's tried alcohol. He's tried drugs. He's even gone as far as trying hypnosis.

Nothing works. 

Seth's begun to see this as his penance for what he did. He also swears his brain is his own worst enemy. 

They've talked a little about getting back together. Dean's hesitant but hasn't written it off yet. 

Seth can't blame him. Hell, if the situation were reversed, he'd be wary. 

Now, he watches Dean from a distance. As he watches. he wishes he could remember the little things. 

The way his hair felt underneath Seth's hand. The light kisses trailed down the side of Seth's neck. 

More things he can kind of see but not actually remember...

As he watches, he waits, hoping for the day he can make Dean his again. 

As he waits, he still tries to forget the sounds and feelings of the horrible day he thought he knew better. 

His mind will not grant him that luxury. 

-fin-


End file.
